[THE_EPISTLE]

[Ian Dickerson]

I try and keep what I post to this list Saintly and in a very tenuous way I
guess what follows qualifies, after all Leslie loved his language and
finding new ways to use it. Regardless, this made me laugh. Hopefully it'll
make you chuckle too.

***
The Washington Post allegedly runs a competition each year, inviting readers
to submit new definitions for common words. The best are selected from many,
many entries and published in the Post. Below is a selection from a recent
crop of winners...

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

 

 

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